Monday, 25 February 2008

Still there :o)


For some time I've been getting messages from my body through various disconfort and even weird dreams, and so I went to the doctor, and the doctor found I had a woman chronic disease. nothing disastrous, but a condition serious enough for the Social Security to reimburse the treatment at 100%. I know I'm being unreeasonable but I've just realized that some day, I was going to die, and I'm feeling very afraid. I'm surprised because somehow the themes I was thinking about for my various bead/textile projects relate to illness.

On the other hand I was going to work on the remembrance theme for TIF. I'm old enough to remember the dismantling of the Berlin wall, the invention of the credit card (on Visa cards there is a holographic bird), the birth of my daughters, nephews and nieces... But this little voice kept nagging me. I'm also old enough to remember other events, like feeling that I was living in Hell and nobody would ever come and rescue me. Grace has courageously tackled something similar for her January BJP piece. I really admire her for that (amongst other things).

I feel I must do something on fear, I've been trying to do nice things since I began BJP and even TIF, I felt it would be rude to expose some emotions in the face of other people... But now I feel tiredness won't leave me until I face fear.

Apart from that, I'm OK :o)

13 comments:

Sue in western Washington, USA said...

I wish you well in working through your feelings/fears. For me, personally, I've found that it's better if I focus on the antidote rather than the problem. I may write about the negative, to process it or move to a more positive place, but I don't want to infuse my textile work with that negative energy. We *all* face this wake up call at some point in our lives!

Hélène H said...

Thank you Sue !

I'll think about what you say, I am encline to positiveness :o)

Sue in western Washington, USA said...

Hello again Helene! I'm tagging you to reveal 7 random things about yourself on your blog. Then you get to tag 5 other bloggers to do the same. Obviously you don't have to play if you don't want to, but I hope you will!

Sunni said...

I think we all go through the same fears. I know at times I realize that one day my day to go will come and fear strikes. I have major back issues, and I know one day I may end up in a wheel chair and that scares me. But the truth is the best thing is to live every day we have to the best of our ability. Cherish each day because the truth is no one has a promise of another one. And so together we go through each one leaving as many smiles, as much joy and beauty behind us as we can.
Hugs,
Sunni

Hélène H said...

Oh, Sunni, this is such a beautiful and compassionate message, thank you !

Hugs.

KV said...

Whatever you decide to do, Helene, always remember that there truly is more good in the world than bad. We all have hopes and fears for ourselves, our children, for everyone in the world. The manner in which we choose to portray our hopes and fears is so personal and cannot be dictated by anyone else.

Do what YOU think you should do . . .

Much love,

Kathy V in NM

Hélène H said...

Well thanks KV, this is just what I needed to hear right now.

Love,

Hélène

Grace said...

I too had these feelings (fear, dying) for a whole year a few years ago. Working thru them made me realize that I have to get done what I need to get done NOW! Some wallowing in it and a fantastic pity party ensued before this conclusion was reached.
Work your way thru your fear and come out refreshed on the other side. Good luck!

Thanks also for posting about my Feb TIF piece.

Hélène H said...

Thanks for sharing Grace, you make me think deeply.

Hugs.

GraceBeading said...

Hi Hélène,

Boy do I understand...I have had some of the same issues of which you talk about. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia last year - I'm still not sure I believe it, but that's another issue entirely. And with aging and changing hormones - sometimes I don't recognize my emotional self.

I think it is hard to face fears, even harder in a public sort of way (through art) where you might be judged or criticized. I agonized over my Jan BJP page. I didn't want to feel obligated to explain it - it was hard enough to just think about it for as many days as I worked on it. But I must say - after I completed the page, posted the photos and read through the comments - I felt so much better. I probably still need to address it (as well as many other issues) on a deeper level, but for now - it felt good to get that much of it off my chest. It's been almost 26 years, I felt it was time to at least dance around the edge of that fear.

Well, I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm going to send you an email instead. I have something I want you to read...

Take care, and with your art, follow your heart and trust yourself to tackle your issues when and as you feel it's time.

You are OK... I think you're more than okay :-)

Hélène H said...

Yes, I know what you mean, Grace. It's part of the "thing" ; intimate pain, and social fear.

Fortunately there are lots of good people out there in the World :o)

beadbabe49 said...

I wasn't going to post here since many of those who have already posted expressed my thoughts more beautifully than I could have, but I just read a lovely quote on another blog and thought I'd share it here with you...

"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."
John Lennon

Hélène H said...

A beautiful quote - thank you Beadbabe :o)